family time

As you can see we had a TON of fun on our vacation to Banff. We stayed at the Douglas Fir Resort and it was awesome for our young family. They really cater to families...there was a water park with 2 water slides, a kiddie pool, a huge hot tub, and a sauna. Another pool and hot tub in another area of the hotel, a huge indoor playground that was so fun and a great exercise room for me!

Our room had a full kitchen and a fireplace so we could eat when and what we wanted and Cliff made a fire every night...so nice! The first night we got there Rhett was so not impressed about getting his swimming suite on...and then he hated the baby pool. So I decided to haul him up the stairs to the top of one of the water slides and down we went. As soon as we hit the pool he was saying "Again...again..again.." He was hooked and begged to go up and down for the rest of the night. At least until Cliff went and got in the hot tub. Then he decided to chill with Daddy and stayed there for a good 15 minutes. He just liked to watch his hands float in the bubbles. Zane did awesome...he needed one of us to go with him the first couple of times, then decided he was brave enough to go it alone if we caught him and after a few more times usually would go down without anyone at the bottom. He had so much fun and counted the hours for the next 2 days until the water park opened at 4 pm. We tried out the indoor playground on Tuesday morning and had a blast. We weren't supposed to be on it with them but Rhett really couldn't get anywhere without help so we went for it...it was a workout in and of itself climbing and crawling and all that stuff but again so fun. Wednesday we did a little bit of shopping and after lunch we headed for the gondola ride up Sulphur Mountain. I was pretty nervous going up the mountain - had a running prayer that the cable would hold and that we wouldn't end up bouncing down the mountain in the gondola...very irrational I know...but I think it's a mom thing. I never would have thought like that before the boys. But once we got to the top it was gorgeous and worth the stress but FREEZING! The pictures of us holding Rhett as he is screaming is because he wanted to explore the snow at the edge of the mountain and we were cruel parents and wouldn't let him anywhere near the edge of the mountain. So unreasonable, I know, but we have to do something to keep us in the running for the meanest parents in the world award! Rhett was so cute on the ride up and down the mountain because he would watch the other side of the cable for the gondolas and every time he saw one it was "there it is" . Zane informed us before we started up the mountain that he was afraid of heights but the whole way up he was looking around and telling us how cool it was and that he wasn't scared. My little daredevil!

We had a wonderful time and will probably go back to the hotel again because it had so much for the kids to do that was included in our room price and we didn't have to leave the hotel to get there. So nice.
Yesterday Cliff and I went to the temple (thanks again Leslie for watching the boys) and had a wonderful time. We both got some answers and had wonderful spiritual experiences.

Today I'm hoping to get the rest of my painting finished up and possibly some furniture moved around!

Again...I Know

Yes, I know...I don't blog for days and now I'm here again writing away and you're probably sick of me. But for some reason I'm in the mood to write and since it's my blog and my thoughts....well you get the picture.

Rhett is almsot 2 and does not sleep through the night. I know that this is partly my fault....his latest thing is wanting to sleep with us. And I'll admit that for awhile I let him...until he started crawling into bed with us by 1:30 in the morning and tried to take over the entire bed. Just when I thought I was going to go beserk (yes, it's a word) and spent a night of pure Hell (yes, that's right - screaming for hours on end because I wouldn't let him in our bed) we hit upon a novel solution:

We put the boys in seperate rooms and put Rhett in the loft bed. We had originally planned on using our folded out futon as a bedframe so to speak and just put Rhett's mattress on top just temporarily....but Zane saw what I had done and HAD to have this bed. I quickly did a mental check on how this would figure in to my GET-RHETT-TO-SLEEP-IN-HIS-OWN-BED-AND-THROUGH-THE-NIGHT plan and decided it worked great. And here's why: The loft bed that Rhett now occupies is like a mini bunk bed without the bottom bunk and not quite all the height - great for storing toys under - and it has built in rail all the way around the mattress. Rhett CAN go up and down the ladder by himself but absolutely refuses to get out of this bed unless I am there. Light bulb moment! Rhett has spent the last 2 nights in his own bed...and we're working on the waking up thing. The first night he woke up every hour after midnight...and last night it was every 2 hours after 1:30...so I'm hoping tonight he keeps up the trend and lasts longer before waking up and then goes back to sleep for a longer period of time.

And hopefully the next time we have a child I will have figured out some things a little better and won't be as desperate for sleep as I was with Rhett. Yes, his bad habits stem from mostly me but I would like to defend myself and say that they all came from doing what I could do to gain the most sleep. I think in his entire lifetime my child has slept soundly through the night maybe 5 times...sleep deprivation makes you do funny things!

So judge me if you will, roll your eyes and swear up and down that your children will never be like mine, but if you could please say a prayer that he starts to sleep through the night because I think we have suffered long enough. And his daddy is in Brooks tonight at a basket ball tournament so I'm going this solo tonight.

As a side note we had soooo much fun at the park today. The weather was gorgeous, lots of fun kids to play with and a wonderful mom for me to chat to. We've never met before and ended up chatting for a good hour and a half today.

And some random pictures....I know I've been slacking on adding them. I meant to add some yesterday, I really did!

10 Things I Want to Remember About....

Zane:
1. His wonderful imagination...today they went to space and packed socks, some food, underwear, a movie in case they got bored and after some coaxing a picture of mom and dad
2. His fascination with spider man...he's always 'spinning webs', perfecting moves and fighting Venom
3. his love for preschool....he will do almost anything if the threat involves not going to preschool
4. his absolute stubbornness that has happened since turning 5 - infuriating but admirable in some cases
5. his protection of Rhett - when they play outside he assures me he'll make sure that Rhett stays in the yard
6. his random shows of affection -hugs, kisses, proclamations of love
7. his prayers - the other night he prayed and asked Jesus to protect the world and to protect him and Rhett from monsters even though they aren't real
8. his laugh
9. his excitement over riding his bike
10. his proclamation "today is a perfect day to go to the park" as soon as the sun peeks out of the clouds

Rhett:
1. his excitement over trucks and cars...runs around the house with toy trucks in his hands yelling truck, truck, 1,2 ...truck, truck
2. fun words and phrases: I'm stuck, I got you, I got you again, peekaboo, bye...love you, see you, night, night, (and many more)
3. how he folds his arms to pray
4. how he eats his peanut butter sandwiches...both hands in the peanut butter and lick it off the fingers...if he gets some bread in there too all the better
5. how cranky and cuddly he is when he wakes up from a nap
6. he still naps for an average of 2 hours a day...hallelujah!
7. he LOVES outside
8. tantrums he throws when it's time to take his coat/shoes/hat off
9. ask him if he wants to go outside and he's gone looking for his shoes, hat, coat and waiting at the door
10. anything Zane does he can do to....at least in his mind!

Our Family....
1. we are doing pretty good at FHE every Monday...short but sweet and we've just started the articles of faith
2. we read the picture scripture books at night and if we forget Zane is quick to remind us
3. we love to play board games...Rhett can be a little over zealous sometimes
4. we count sleeps until something fun like a trip or a visit to or from grandmas and grandpas
5. we love oatmeal chocolate chip cookies
6. we love ice cream
7. we are about to take our first family vacation that is not to a grandparent's house
8. we all enjoy going through show homes (the boys really surprised us on this one!)
9. we like to watch movies
10. we don't regret the choice for me to stay home with the boys

me:
1. I'm outnumbered by the boys...but I'm spoiled by the adoration
2. Zane tells me I'm the best chef (even though he only eats about 1/2 of what i cook)
3. I am more sleep deprived than I ever thought I could be
4. I have been blessed with some of the best friends that a girl could ever ask for
5. I love that I have music callings...I don't ever want anything else...maybe just one at a time instead of multiples!
6. I am so happy that I started this blog and have a record for my posterity - I print this off every couple of months and write as though I was penning a journal
7. I love to bake and cook
8. I want to attend the temple more often
9. I am proud of what I've accomplished so far weight wise and am looking forward to finishing off
10. I am looking forward to the privilege of being a mother again...whenever it is that the Lord blesses us with the opportunity

Cliff
1. spoils me rotten
2. very rarely tells me no
3. tells me he loves me every day
4. works so hard so I can be home with the boys
5. is the world's best daddy
6. loves his lazy boy and I would light it on fire
7. loves volleyball and plays almost every week
8. would coach volleyball again in a heartbeat given the opportunity
9. is looking forward to golf season...already has his clubs in the car!
10. knows how to work but also how to relax!

Life is always changing...not too long from now some things on these lists will have changed and some will have stayed the same. But it will be fun to look back and remember...that's why we do this isn't it? To enrich our memories and preserve them for others to read and maybe learn from?

Light bulb moments...

Do you ever have those moments when something that is so familiar to you that you could recite it, sing it or do it without even thinking of it suddenly seems so different? But in a good way? Like it's taught you something and it seems so obvious that you wonder how in the world you ever missed it?
I sing I Am A Child of God every night to the boys...all four verses. And lately I have felt the spirit gently teaching me as I have paid more attention to the lyrics I am singing and not just singing words for the boys to hear. So here is my thought process...
There are four verses and to me they build on each other like stepping stones....verse one talks of being a child of God, and being sent to earth to our parents. This is essential information but very basic. Verse two acknowledges being a child of God but now recognizes that there is a need to learn more of Him and that there is a limited time in which we have to do this. Verse three again acknowledges being a child of God and now has the understanding that we are blessed with so many rich things from our loving Heavenly Father and that we have a part in receiving those wonderful blessings. Verse four is my favorite.

I am a child of God

His promises are sure

If I but learn to do His will

I'll live with Him once more

To me this is the culmination of the whole song and why we are here on this earth. We have reached a point of understanding and trust in our Father in Heaven in this verse and understand that He has promised us so many wonderful things...not just promises but sure promises that will be realized if we do our part. What could be more wonderful than returning to our Heavenly Father's presence?

I am so grateful for music and for the things that it can teach us when we allow our spiritual ears to hear and our hearts to feel. I truly believe that music is a gift from our Father that we can all enjoy whether we have musical talent or not. I pray that I can teach my children to feel the spirit through music and that it will be a blessing in their lives as it has been in mine.

Here I Am

I really don't have any good excuse for not writing a blog earlier....sure I've been busy but so has every one else. So what have I been busy doing?
Wednesday was Averly's baby shower. Grace is so precious and she got so many cute little pink things. One day....
Thursday Leslie and I had a well deserved girls night and watched No Reservations. It was a great chick flick and I normally don't like chick flicks. We ate some junk food and had a great time. Thanks Les!
Friday Cliff and I went and hung out with Colin and Megan Anderson. Made some yummy pizzas, went bowling and played some pool. I think I am honestly the worst pool player on the planet but by some fluke managed to beat Megan. We ended the night with yummy Slurpee's.
Saturday night we had tickets to see a comedian....some of his stuff was good and some was crude. Definitely a disappointment for the amount of money that we paid for the tickets but now we know for next year.
Saturday and Sunday were awesome in some ways and not so awesome in others. Awesome part was conference....listened/watched on the Internet here and really enjoyed all the talks. Can't wait for Thursday so I can re-read some of my favorites. Feel so blessed to belong to this church and to be led by a true and living prophet. I have always loved President Monson and was really impressed with the whole conference. Not so awesome was the head cold that I have been fighting for a week now....I seriously had doubts about whether or not I would ever be medication free or be able to breathe on my own again. I'm glad to report that I'm almost there.
We all have spring fever here....especially Rhett. He finds his shoes at all hours of the day and begs me to let him outside. We've been out as much as we can and even made the trek the other day to the big park across the lake. Zane rode his bike and freaked out for most of the ride there. He was convinced he would fall if I wasn't holding on to him(as long as he can feel or see my hand somewhere he was fine) but I was trying to help him and push the stroller as well. It wasn't going well and somewhere in Sylvan there is a teenager who is thanking his lucky stars I'm not his mother as he walked past us at the precise moment that Zane burst into tears and I told him to suck it up and pedal. Yes, those were my exact words, and no, it is not one of my prouder moments as a mother. He did much better on the ride home and we made it home without tears or me freaking out like a deranged mom.
Is it just my kids or are there others out there now that seem to be doing everything in their power to drive their mother nuts? I'll spare you the details because I feel like I've been doing a lot of whining on here lately....but seriously!
Cliff has 2 more days of work before a much deserved vacation! He's playing in a basketball tourny this weekend with a bunch of guys that he plays with every week. They have to go to Brooks and I am staying here because 2 days in a gym with 2 kids is not my idea of a vacation or even a fun time. He'll be home sometime on Saturday and then on Monday we're taking off to Banff. It will be our first official family vacation...ie somewhere other than Grandma and Grandpas! We've booked a great hotel room at a resort with indoor water slides and a huge indoor kiddie playground. Neither of us has really been to Banff before ( we stayed one night on a show choir tour when I was in high school but that hardly counts) so any suggestions of fun things to do are welcome. We're mostly just going for a change of scenery, no responsibilities, and some good family time. We'll be back sometime on Thursday and will hopefully get a few projects around the house finished off before Cliff heads back to work on the Monday.
In the meantime I'm trying to get healthy, crossing my fingers that everyone else stays healthy and that my sanity stays somewhat intact!

What to write?

Tuesday seems like an eternity ago and yet this week has also just flown by. I can't believe that I am throwing another birthday party tomorrow and that my inlaws are arriving on Saturday. My house is so not ready. Most of me is ready.
I'm sure there are many out there wondering how I am....honestly there are moments when I wonder the same to. I am tired. Very very very tired. As long as I keep moving I'm good but if I sit in one spot for too long I'm a goner, unless I'm actually in bed. Then I just lay there awake wondering if I'll ever sleep again.
But I'm sure I will. Today I actually felt pretty much back to normal...minus being so tired. But that comes from a lot of different sources. I've told my mom and Leslie that I'm a little worried that I've just pushed everything so far down that I'm not dealing with it but then again there's a lot of things that I don't feel that I did the last time. I don't feel guilty, I don't feel cheated or wronged. I don't feel despair or anxiety that I'll never have another baby. I feel calm. I feel sad that it didn't work out but I do feel that there is one more baby to come to our family and that Heavenly Father will send that baby when it is time. And it will be perfect and everything will be the way it should.
So for now I'm ok. I've cried, I've laughed, I've grouched, and I've got on with life. There are still children to love, tickle and laugh with, a husband to love, things to bake, laundry to do, parties to plan, cheeks to kiss, lunches to make, and friends to enjoy. In short there is still a lot of life and one disappointment will not keep me from living it. I hope it makes me stronger, makes me more empathatic (is that really a word?) makes me slower to judge when someone is having a bad day. I need someone here right now that's a blog techie so I could sing the one line of a song that keeps going over and over in my mind and they could attach it here. 'So you've had a bad day.....' I don't know anymore of the words or chorus but it definitely fits the happenings of our last week. Thank goodness for people who love us, care for us and lift us up.
Thank you everyone for your kind words, phone calls, yummy food, shoulders to cry on and most of all friendship. There's a song called "You find out who your friends are" that I really like and I'm glad to say that all my friends proved the song right. Tomorrow is another day that starts a busy and action packed weekend. I'll keep you posted on all the crazy happenings. Hope all is well .

Just For Me

The following blog is pure therapy for me...feel free to read it if you want but I'm warning you that it is not a happy blog.

It amazes me how a person can have such a huge range of emotions and feel every single one of them in a span of a few hours. When I woke up this morning, got ready to go, drove to town and sat in the doc's office I was confident that I was still pregnant. I had a blessing, prayers, everything made me think that this pregnancy was still viable. But blood doesn't lie....spotting plus no hormone means no baby. And that sucks. I don't understand how we can feel 100% sure that a baby is supposed to come into our home - and not only that but feel the urgency of not putting it off even for a few months - but that there is a child ready RIGHT NOW and then to find out we're pregnant and then find out that we're not anymore. To put it plainly it just really sucks. I know all the right answers, things weren't right, you would rather have a wonderfully healthy perfect baby, it's better that it happens now, you're going to be fine. I know all these because we've done this before. And I am glad that we were only 6 weeks this time instead of 12...it does make a difference. I don't have to have a D&C...we can try again soon if we want...BUT it still sucks. I also know that I have to grieve, get angry, accept it....right now I go from being really weepy, to numb, to I don't care about anything, to it's ok, to this sucks. I know that the Lord has a plan for all of us and that we all have trials for our good....but that doesn't make any less hurtful or make you stop wondering why. Not only did we find out through blood test that I'm miscarrying, but also that I have liver enzymes that are higher than normal again. Not very high, but high. I'm starting to think that being fat was better. This skinny thing just doesn't seem to be working out for me. Seriously, everything in me is screaming for me to open the bag of chocolate chips in the freezer and eat them by the handful. But what will that solve? Nothing. And then I'll just have to run them off just like I have to run off all the easter candy that I ate this weekend not to mention birthday pie and everything else. Why can't one just stay skinny once they've put in the work and determination once? I feel like I've been battling an uphill battle and now this is just one more big boulder that has been pushed in my way. I'm an emotional eater. This is a big emotional thing for me. That's all I want to write for now. Maybe more later. And remember, I warned you this wasn't a happy one.

Easter!

This weekend was also Easter! I love Easter for a number of reasons and this year we decided to celebrate here in Sylvan Lake. My family (minus Lish and Jay) were able to come up and celebrate with us. I decided not to cook a turkey - not brave enough yet - but we cooked a yummy ham, and stuffed potatoes and some really yummy chocolate pies for Zane's birthday. (Thanks Ashley for the recipie!) We were really busy all weekend decorating eggs, doing birthday stuff, song practices, games and of course the Easter bunny. The kids had a lot of fun finding all the eggs the tricky bunny left. Last year Rhett just followed Zane around and stole eggs out of his basket for his own. This year I just gave them an ice cream bucket and they both worked on filling it up. Zane was all about opening up the plastic eggs to find the candy in them while Rhett was just having fun finding eggs. We also just did one basket this year with something for both of them in it and chocolate bunnies. So much easier! I think I like the one basket thing....just will need to get a bigger basket since next year we'll have 3 little ones for the bunny to find!

I know that my blog has been void of pictures for awhile so here's a lot! Some of Zane's leprachon trap, decorating eggs, the kids playing "snow" with a whole box of kleenex (oh the things they come up with while I'm in the shower!) and just general fun! Enjoy!

5 years, 2 days

5 years and 2 days ago I became a mom. Zane Markus Johnson joined the wolrd on March 22, 2003...and this weekend we celebrated his 5th birthday. I've been thinking a lot about this and the amazing things that have happened in those 5 years. My baby boy has gone from being totally dependent on me for everything to a little boy who confidently goes to preschool, CTR 5 and friends houses without looking back. He loves stickers, scissors, games, friends, movies, computer games, playing with Daddy, Rhett, building things, puddle jumping.... He is a fussy eater - just like I was and will eat the same thing every day. He loves to learn...letters, numbers, math, card games, patterns, matching....it amazes me how fast he picks up on stuff. He loves his brother and is so good at including him...most of the time. He is so kindhearted and caring. He is also very good at picking up on things that I don't think he's picked up on! He loves going to church and is counting birthdays until he's old enough to get baptized. He adores and is adored by all his grandparents and aunties and uncles. We feel so blessed to have him in our family...

A small part of me is sad because 5 feels like such a big kid age. He goes to kindergarten in the fall and my time of having him all to myself is rapidly coming to a close. But I am excited for him to grow and learn new things and become the wonderful person I know that he'll be. And before the tears start to flow here are some pictures:

These are picutres of pictures...we didn't have a digital camera when he was born! LOL. But here is my sweet boy at a couple of months old...hanging with daddy!
And now here is my grown-up 5 year old!

A Little Scattered

Does anyone else agree with me that it feels like forever since I have posted? It seems like I walk around all day doing whatever it is that I do and I have some wonderful, beautiful posts written in my head and by the time I get to sit down at the computer I can't remember half of what I've done in the day.
March has flown by....in with a lion and now teasing us with spring. That part I'm loving. I've actually started running outside again, or at least I was until the most recent blizzard blew in this weekend. Can you tell that I'm tired of winter? But at least the sun has been shining for the past couple of days and I only have a long patch of snow in my backyard now.
I'm trying to convince Zane that playing outside is something fun. Hard to do since this is the first time in his life that he's had a yard to play in. Some days he loves to be outside and other days, like today, he's completely bored and refuses to entertain himself. Oh well. He'll figure it out with more practice.
Cliff's been busy with work...Red Deer had their Home Show weekend the second weekend in March and he was very busy between that and the sale at the store. He had to work one of his rare Sundays which meant me braving church by myself. Uhg. Not my favorite but I'm happy to report that we all made it alive and mostly happy.
Right now my focus is on our house and all of the little projects that need to get finished up before putting it on the market. I have boxes to pack and store so that we can better stage it, trim to prime and paint, walls to wash....it's a little stressful but hopefully it will be worth it. We're really praying that someone is being prepared to buy it and that we will be able to buy another house and move in time to plant a garden. And yes, those words did come out of my mouth. I used to proclaim to my parents that I was not a farmer and never ever would I have a garden and now I'm crossing my fingers that it will work out this year.
There should be another post later this week...Zane is going to be 5! I can't believe I've been a mom this long! But that's another post!

Titles

I heard something last night that made me think about all the different titles that I hold or that I am known by. Here are a few:
Wife
Mother (and all the "titles" that come with it - doctor, chaufeur, chef, handy man, etc)
Eternal Companion
Sister Johnson
Mrs. Johnson
sister
daughter
choir pianist
rotational organist
relief society pianist
friend
visiting teacher
I was really amazed at all the different titles that are associated with me - and I'm sure I could come up with a few more. Last night as I was watching the Biggest Loser the contestants had a doctor come and talk to them. This doctor had himself been a contestant many seasons ago and has successfully kept off the weight he lost. This is the part that struck me : He told them that the hardest part in this journey was to maintain the weight loss and new habits that they have been learning. He told them that they were all on their way to being OBESITY SURVIVORS, but that getting to that final goal weight did not mean the fight was over. In order to stay healthy and be a "survivor" they were going to have to employ every piece of knowledge that they had gained and put it into action every day for the rest of their lives. This hit me hard. But it is true. Every day I have to fight to make healthy choices, to choose to eat less, eat better, exercise harder and push myself to stay healthy. It is so much easier to sit on the couch and do nothing than it is to lace up my shoes, pop in a DVD or go for a run. It's a lot easier to order pizza every weekend and eat more than my share than it is to plan a menu and stick to it. These things are all easier...BUT choosing to eat less, to exercise harder, to plan food menus in advance are worth it. My health is worth it, my family is worth it and this morning when I looked in the mirror I reminded myself that I am an Obesity Survivor, and I intend to stay one.

Sneakin' one in!

Well we are home from our southern alberta trip...actually came home a couple of days early because I missed my hubby so much and discovered that he had been very busy while we were gone and re-did our bathroom! I'm talking new floor, tub, tub surround and toilet! We need to paint and change out towel racks but he did a fantastic job! Thanks honey!

I had lots of fun at the wedding...even though my cousin Ryan did hold me hostage at the reception for awhile and I popped my dad's shoulder out while we dancing - a case of me going one way and he going the other and not letting go of hands. Oops! And then I cried my eyes out over it. Silly silly me.

I don't have too much fun to report...just that I love my family and miss them tons. It was nice to see them all and to have a few days off from real life!

Rhett came down with the flu the day we left and still seems to be trying to get over it...hopefully it won't last much longer and maybe we'll all be healthy for awhile.

Anyways, here's some pics...

Somehow I managed to get pictures of everyone but the groom! Lots of us cousins, Ash dancing with her brother Ryan, even Ryan's little girl with her Opa (my uncle Eddie) but none of Ash and Tom. Oops. Good thing I wasn't the photographer! It really was a great day and we wish them the best!

Interesting to me

The past couple of days have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I've been thinking and brooding and questioning a lot of the happenings in my life.

Last June I started on a journey to lose weight and I've been very successful at it. People that I haven't seen in a long time don't recognize me. I feel great, look great, and for the most part I behave myself and eat a lot better, and exercise a lot more. I feel that I lost the weight in a healthy way and that I'm doing a good job at maintaining it. What started out as a weight loss goal changed a lot of things and although I had a size and a mental image in mind, my main motivation changed from my pant size to creating a healthier me and staying the healthier me to bless my family and my lives. So, the big question that has loomed in my mind lately is how I can supposedly be the healthiest I've been in years and yet am sustaining these attacks of pain and still producing more liver enzymes than is normal. Cliff and I have even joked around that maybe I should go back to being 200 lbs since I seemed to have less health issues then (of course that's not true and NOT an option but it made us giggle) I don't have any answers as to why this is happening and it's really thrown me into a funk today. I knew it as soon as I woke up today. Have you had one of those days? When you wake up and you feel like a big, ugly, gray and weeping rain cloud is your hat for the day. You're hoping and praying that the sun is going to break through but as the hours past it just seems that the cloud gathers more and more mass and you have to struggle more and more to put on a front of normalcy. Yep, that's what I felt like this morning. So, how do you get rid of it? It's taken me almost all day long to get rid of it and has disappeared in steps and degrees. I had a good cry. Not necessarily about anything in particular but tears are wonderful things. Kind of shrinks the cloud a bit. I had good talks with my wonderful hubby Cliff and also with my mom. .I had a great nap with my kids. (Zane has an upset tummy and with my emotional state what it was today we opted to stay home today). Poor Cliff was left to his own devices for 2 hours. I broke out a book of wonderful church piano solos that I haven't played in years and went through most of them. One of them was the song Infinite Worth by Janice Kapp Perry and as I played it and remembered some of the words I felt my soul being cleansed of the lingering cloud. What a wonderful blessing music and the gospel is in our lives. The two combined have always been so special to me. I truly believe that there are times the veil is thinned and that our spirits are allowed to glimpse and remember what life was like in the spirit world with our Father in Heaven.
Being in a funk is no fun. But in some ways it serves as a kick in the butt and I'm looking forward to starting tomorrow with a new attitude and jumping back into my life. I miss being me - the non sick, not so stressed out me. I've decided that I can act sick or I can healthy and I choose healthy. This week will be busy and full as we get ready for me and the kids to leave on Thursday to southern Alberta for a week. My cousin Ashley is getting married on Saturday so it should be a fun trip.

The wait is Over!

We have been waiting all winter to have the perfect snow for a snowman and it finally happened! Not only did it finally happen, but Cliff was home to help us!

It was the perfect day yesterday to be out in the snow with the kids and we had so much fun building the snowman and then having a snowball fight. Cliff dominated the the fight and all was good until Rhett accidentally got one lobbed right into his face and chest. Half of it went down his coat and shirt and he was done. Oh he was mad. Poor kids. I was laughing so hard that I could hardly carry him into the house. But we got him in, stripped down, and cuddled up in a blanket with some juice and mom. He was asleep 20 minutes later!

We also went and walked through the Stars showhome here in Sylvan. It was soooo beautiful and the kids did great. I was a little nervous about bringing them with us but they didn't touch anything and did really good at listening. We braved one more house since they were so good and Zane loved it. He was really disapointed today when we didn't go and see any new houses today.

I'm hoping that since we are starting to see grass in some places that maybe spring is on the way....could we be so lucky?

promised pics

Well I'm a little later than I thought at getting these pics up....but they're still cute. (At least I think they are!)

Life here has been pretty much the same old same old until last night when I had another pain attack like the one that put me in the hospital 2 weeks ago. We decided not to go to emerg because by the time we got there the pain would be over and all they would do is make me sleep in emerg for the night and do blood work. I already had an appointment booked for this morning to get blood work done for a different thing so this morning we got a hold of my doctor and he told us which other boxes to check off on my form he gave me on Tuesday. I'm really hoping that we're going to have some answers tomorrow. But I have wonderful visiting teachers who are going to bring me supper tonight and if I can convince Rhett to have a nap I'll be following close behind.

On another note....I can't believe that it is valentines day already. We don't usually do much for it - maybe a nice dinner or something. That's kinda on hold right now. But we did call and sing happy birthday to Auntie Kizzy today! Zane is very dissapointed that we don't get to be there for her cake and presents. Poor kid. He had a blast at preschool today. They had a valentine day party and he has been buzzing all week waiting for it.

Rhett's a little crabby and has a low grade fever as he got his last immunizations yesterday (at least until his 4-6 year old ones) I always delay my kids a little bit - not such a fan of everything entailed with immunizations but that's another issue altogether. Anyways, Rhett is 32.4 lbs, 35 3/4 inches tall. Puts him 97% for height and 95% for weight. Nice and healthy. Not that we thought any different.

So if you remember keep your fingers crossed that the doctors will figure out what's wrong with my body and we'll keep you posted!

So much Fun!

I think I have a new favorite website: cutestblogontheblock.blogspot.com I found it on Mindi's site (thanks :)) and decided to try it out! I like this one....some of my older posts have colors that I'm not wild about but I'm too lazy to go through and change them all.
My kiddos were both very grouchy/whiney today. Made for a very long day but they have been in bed for almost a whole hour now. Whew. One more day down!
I'm so happy that it's warming up. I'm very tired of the freezing cold and can't wait for spring and summer to get here. I am not an outside winter person. I prefer to hibernate, bake, eat, read, play board games with the kids, watch movies...yep, I'm a regular winter phobic. I only venture outside when I have to. When mom was here last week we did have a really nice day and we took the kids out in the backyard to play. They were getting bored fast (the snow wasn't sticky so not much to do but kick at it) so I pulled out a memory from my childhood and grabbed a couple of buckets of water, some food coloring, some spoons and whoila - colored snow. What a hit! They had soooo much fun making colored snow - just like me and my sisters did when we were little. It brought that warm gooey feeling inside as I realized that I was passing on something that brought me joy as a kid.
And yeah, that's it for now. I've got some pics that I need to put on the computer but I'm being lazy today....I'll try for some more tomorrow!

I'm still here...

Well...it's been an exciting week in our household. I went to the ER last Thursday am in a lot of pain and ended up being admitted with pancreatitis. Not fun. My pancreas, liver and kidneys were not very happy...docs think it was due to an errant gall stone that has now cleared my system. So I spent from Thursday 'till Monday night in the hospital and am very happy to be home. Thankfully my wonderful mom came to the rescue to take care of my family (thanks mom!) And sadly is leaving us tomorrow. I've been tired for the past couple of days but seem to back to normal today. My liver is still not quite doing what it is supposed to do so I go back and see the specialist in March...will keep you posted!

Now for the fun stuff. I've read tons of mommy tags and wanted to do one too! Thanks Susie for the ideas!

mommy tag
Typical time of wake-up:
Kids anywhere between 6 and 7....Rhett's usually up first. Sigh. Depending on the day Backyardigans and chocolate milk buy me an extra 45 mins or so of sleep!

On a good night when you/kids go to sleep:
Kids in bed by 8 and I'm usually there by 11:30...hard to give up the time with my hubby!

How long you have been a momma:
Closing in on 5 years. Wow...time has sure flown!

How many times have you been a new mom:
Two

How old were you when you became a mom (is this to personal?):
I was 22

Favorite Kids show: Backyardigans...Bo on the Go....Super Why....Einsteins....love the ones with music and learning combined. Boys really like Diego but he's not my favorite

Least Favorite Kids show: I'll second Barnie...and Rollie Pollie Ollie is banned in my house - I can't stand the baby talk

Favorite chore: Laundry, dishwasher

Least favorite chore: Bathroom....I loathe it and seem to leave it until I just can't stand it then it takes me 15 mins to do and I think, gee that wasn't so bad. Still it hasn't changed how often I clean it.

Meal you cook most often: Chicken with baked potatoes, homemade chicken noodle soup with buns, stew with buns, spaghettie....I try to change it up and try new things

Kids favorite meal: Bun, apple, cheese and chocolate milk. Both kids love it and it's a staple in our house. Zane likes turkey with it to but not on his bun....that would make it a sandwich and he thinks he's allergic to sandwiches. Rhett likes peanut butter on his bun sometimes but tends to just stick his finger in it and lick it off.

5 things that make you smile when you are being a mom:
1. The way Rhett follows Zane everywhere....especially when Zane says "C'mon Rhett" and they take off on some high adventure
2. Rhett getting caught doing something he knows he's not supposed to do and trying to turn it into something helpful - ie climbing on the counter to get the phone, turning it on and then giving it to you like he just did you a big favor
3. Snuggling between the two of them and reading stories
4. Singing with them and watching how excited Rhett gets and how well Zane knows the words and actions now
5. The things that come out of an almost 5 year old's mouth....I told Zane the other day that a friend was getting married....he said, oh I know what happens when you get married...you have babies! When's Grandma going to have a baby? He was quite disappointed to learn that Granmmie is done having her own babies. Some thing obviously got lost in translation!

Favorite thing your husband does with your kids:
All the boys things...wrestling, watching sports, BBQ....Zane has declared daddy the outside chef and mommy the inside chef! No one can make the boys giggle and laugh like their daddy! He's the best!

Last time you went out with no kids:
Couple of Fridays ago I got a sitter during the day and we went show homing. It was a lot of fun to see all the new houses and pick out what we like and didn't like! Had a fun date planned for last weekend but being in the hospital kinda' kyboshed that!

If you could take your kids anywhere where would it be:
Hmm...we plan on Disney Land when they're all older....but now just somewhere warm away from the winter!

Favorite pastime/activity with kids:
Stickers, dancing crazy, soccer in the hall...

1 thing you said you would never do when you were a mom:
Sleep with them, wipe snot with my bare hand, put something in my mouth that was just in their mouth....should I keep going? I've learned that a lot of things aren't as big a deal as I thought...

If you had an afternoon to yourself what would you do?
Ummm...I'd like to say something that would be really productive but I think it would probably be napping or blogging!

1 thing you do that your mom did & now you do:
I sing my kids a lullabye every night

Favorite quality of your own mom:
We come number one...no matter what....she taught me so much about being the best mom I can be and she's my constant sounding board!

Favorite kids book: We're going on a Bear Hunt, Red is Best, The Sneetches

Best advice for a new mom:
The first six weeks are the hardest....you know your baby the best so do what YOU think is best

Scariest or most heartbreaking moment as a mom:
Scariest - not hearing Rhett cry after he was born....
Heartbreaking - seeing Rhett in the SCN for the first time and not being able to hold him....walking floors with both boys when they were really little and had ear infections and the drugs weren't working!

Most joyful moment as a mom:
The first hold....any first. I love watching them hit each milestone...especially the first time they say I love You!

Last time your child told you they love you:
Just before supper...Zane ran up and gave me a kiss and told me he loves me....and I think Rhett means he loves me when he says "mommy! and then continues on with jabber I don't understand!

Last time you said I love you to your kid:
This afternoon...and in about 20 minutes when I get them in bed. Yes, we're a little behind tonight!

Tag anyone who wants to do this!