Look Who's 2!!!!

SERIOUSLY?!?! How did this happen so quickly? Brock turned 2 on the 8th and also managed to score 2 birthday parties! We wanted to celebrate with our Payne family members so I brought cupcakes and tarts along to the Sunday dinner they invited us to. And as you can see from the above pictures, Brock is seriously considering a future career as a fire eater...among other things! But his entirely unreasonable mother (me) blew the candles out before he got much closer! We gave him one of each - cupcake and tart - and I guess you can see what he went for! 2 in fact! Sorry you have to scroll back up to view the picture - blogger and I are not agreeing on where these pics should go and I don't want to re-load them.

And the bruise on his forehead? He was climbing up the ladder to Zane's top bunk the night before and slipped and bashed his head. At least that's what I THINK happened as I found him there, he's been know to climb that ladder quite frequently, and the shape of the bruise is consistent with a ladder rung. It was UGLY Saturday night - black/purple and a good 1/2 inch off his head. Ugh. But after 10 minutes of crying and cuddling with mom he was off and running again. Not much slows him down! On Tuesday, his actual birthday we put candles in 2 cupcakes (the tarts were all gone) and he tried to blow them out this time instead of eating the fire! We opened presents and after he opened the basket ball hoop there was no hope for anything else. For the next couple of days until Cliff got it mounted to the bedroom door Brock would bring me the hoop to hold so he could shoot!

And at 2 he is still up to much busyness! He loves mommy's i-phone and daddy's new samsung galaxy captivate, LOVES the backyardigans and laughs and giggles as they sing and dance. LOVES to shoot hoops. He got a little one that you mount to a wall or somewhere for his birthday and he'll literally spend 1/2 an hours shooting balls at that thing. NBA here we come! Grandpa Dooley and I wonder if maybe all the Raymond water I drank growing up has something to do with it.

Lately he goes to bed almost every night with either 2 soft basketballs clutched in his hands or a hot wheels monster truck.

He still climbs all over everything, occasionally sabotages my laundry, crawls into bed with us every night, and is starting to throw out more words - when he feels like it. And never on demand. He always makes me laugh when he jabbers at me in his own language and ends the phrase like a question and then looks at me expectantly. Oh, gibberish.

He is still pretty good about eating whatever I give him but I'm seeing signs of pickiness...sigh. Another one. He loves pb, jam, cheese, yogurt, animal crackers, spaghetti, soup, bananas, apples, fruit leathers, toast and anything that is on mom or dad's plate!

He has recently developed quite the love for his daddy and loves to wrestle and play and of course play on daddy's phone!

And he ADORES his big brothers. He's getting old enough now to be fun to play with in more than the baby fun sense, and the boys enjoy wrestling, chasing, tickling, hockey, basketball and just about anything else they can think of that might make him laugh! Having 3 boys is really fun :)

We love our Brocker boy to bits and although we have already been treated to some of the terrible twos tantrums, he continues to be a happy, busy little boy!

Not just party-lag

I have a reality. And it's not a pretty reality. In fact, it's kind of a skeleton in the closet kind of reality.

I am suffering from depression.

It's not full blown, as in can't-get-out-of-bed-or-function, - yet - But it is to the point where I have to admit that this is more than just a bad couple of weeks. And that I need to fight to get back to me.

I'm blessed with a great support group of family and friends - some who have experienced depression themselves, some have worked professionally with this, and some are just great resources of positivity and love.

I've started cataloging my days and mood on those days using weather terms. A "me" day is what I describe as a sunshine-y day. And then there are days that are mostly sunny but slightly cloud covered - you know - like the clouds that blot out the sun temporarily during the day but the sun always pulls through. I have days that are more cloud then sun. And then there are the cloud-locked, no hope of sun days. Thankfully, I haven't had too many of the cloud-locked days in a row. But I have had several of the cloud covered with brief rays of sunshine.

And I don't like me this way. It feels wrong and awful.

So, I swallowed my pride, talked to some of my closest peeps, and got help. I've started a great vitamin regimen to re-balance the old brain, I've cut back in some areas, and I'm trying to not expect quite so much from myself as I get myself back on track.

And that is the real honest reason that I haven't been writing here a lot lately. I have an
un-censored journal that I have been writing in and it's been great and cheap therapy!

I don't want to be one of those blogs that's all unicorns and rainbows, but there are some issues that I'm working through that I just don't feel comfortable airing on the internet - at least not in their entirety.

The main reason I'm writing this now is because I thought that one day, a long way down the road, someone in my posterity might need to know that they're OK because I suffered from this too. And people on both sides of my family suffer from this too.

Genetics are not always the best thing, but knowledge is power and I intend to use mine to get back to sunshine days!