10 Things....

Yep, it's that time again. Actually I think it was that time about 2 months ago but oh well. And sadly there won't be any pictures because I haven't got my camera program uploaded onto the new computer...it's on my to do list I promise. Right after feeding Brock every 2 hours and laundry and picking Zane up from school and the quilt that is staring at me reminding me that the deadline it needs to be done for is getting closer and closer. But I digress!



10 Things I want to Remember about Zane:

1. How independent he is in so many things now - it's fun to watch him do more grown up things
2. He's very helpful when he's in the mood to be. Sometimes he acts so much older than 6 and is willing to do anything that he can to to help, and sometimes he just wants to be a kid and do nothing that I ask him to
3. He LOVES his brothers and is usually so patient and kind with them
4. He's very thoughtful and is always thinking of someone that he can "make" something for - usually a paper, marker and tape creation of some sort
5. His quick mind - he remembers things that I didn't even realize he picked up on! It usually makes me giggle but sometimes I wish he didn't listen so close!
6. He's really working hard on learning to tell time. He's got the hours and 1/2 hours figured out and is slowly getting the grasp of the rest of it by asking questions and mulling it over
7. His reading vocab is getting bigger and he's thinking about words a lot. The other day we were walking along somewhere and he out of the blue says "mom, you know if you take the B out of Brock you just get rock". I assured him that he was right and his thought process went on to something else. So fun!
8. I love to listen to him and Rhett play at their pretend games. Zane's getting really good at making up the stories and is always saying "Rhett....And then...." and the story goes from there. 9. Thanks to recess at school he now LOVES playing outside and can come up with some pretty good games. Also thanks to recess I recently laundered a pocketful of pea gravel. Time to start checking pockets again!
10. He still loves to give me hugs and kisses. I'm trying really hard to cherish each one because I know my days are numbered!



10 Things I want to remember about Rhett:

1. His imagination is taking off!!! He will turn anything into a gun, light saber, sword or shovel. And then he takes said object, tucks it under his right arm pit and walks around with it for the rest of the day, pulling it out and brandishing it at the appropriate time in his or Zane's imaginary game. He also makes "good guys" out of random objects that he picks up. Examples would be magnets, measuring cups and spoons, juice box straws, broken pencils...well you get the picture.
2. In some ways he wants to be a big a kid and in other ways he is not interested!
3. He is learning to be a great big brother. When we first brought Brock home he was really nervous around him and didn't want to touch or hold him. I think part of that was because we had to be so anal with hand washing etc. But lately he's been loving on him and even asked to hold him and conceded to a picture.
4. He is getting very good at ignoring us when he wants to. It's really annoying when you ask him to do something and he doesn't want to do it. He hides his face behind his blanket and pretends that the world has left....grr.
5. He loves mommy to cuddle with him at night to go to sleep. It's our time and he gets really sad when I have to feed Brock and can't come right at bed time.
6. We are entering the stage of being afraid of things. He was having a couple of really rough nights and Friday night when I was tucking him in he said "I 'cared of piderman'. It took me a minute to realize he meant the spider man on his curtains. So I took them down and he's slept great ever since. I unpicked the spider man panels and put the curtains back up and he kept telling me that spider man was all gone and that spider man scared him.
7. He's an all or nothing kid. No distractions. This can be good in some cases but is difficult to deal with when it comes to sharing, toys, chores, etc
8. He needs warning when things are going to change and then he goes along fine with it. When it's time to go get Zane from school I start giving him warnings at 15 mins, 10 mins, 5 mins and then 2 mins and then he doesn't throw the big tantrum when it's time to stop whatever it is that he's doing and go. It works great for other things as well.
9. He is Zane's shadow but is starting to mutiny on some things. He's not so happy to go along with every little thing that Zane insists on.
10. He's been wearing his hat EVERYWHERE...and will randomly come up to me, take his hat off, and say "it's just me mom". He thinks he's in disguise as Indiana Jones when he wears it. So cute!

10 Things I want to remember about Brock....
1. He LOVES to sleep on his tummy
2. His smile lights up his face
3. He is starting to talk
4. He insists on standing up all the time when he's awake and happy
5. loves his Mei Tei (snuggly)
6. Is a good cuddler
7. Recognizes the boys and has big smiles for them
8. Is ticklish but doesn't giggle yet
9. Tolerates his baths
10. Has a very concerned look on his face that I think says "this body is not as advertised!" It just makes me giggle when he ever he pulls it

10 Things I want to remember about Cliff....
1. He got up and slept with Rhett all night in his bed when he came in shortly after we'd gone to bed last night and I was too tired and sore to get up
2. He tries really hard to help with the older boys when I'm busy with Brock
3. He NEVER complains about what the house looks like when he gets home, what supper is or isn't or when the laundry makes it from the basket to the drawers
4. He occasionally surprises me and takes the garbage to the dumpster without me asking
5. He's willing to stay home with the kids so that I can go out in the morning and walk even though it means he has to get up earlier
6. He doesn't tell me no very often
7. I love watching him with Brock. He just loves this little baby. Talking to him, cooing to him, and just hanging out with him.
8. Coming to my defence with the boys. There are times that my wonderful children do not speak to me in very respectful or mindful voices and Cliff is right there reminding them (sometimes rather forcefully) that they are NOT to talk to me like that. I'm thankful for that example and principle that he is teaching them
9. He doesn't complain about the fabric I buy
10. He loves me, baby belly and all

10 Things I want to remember about me....
1. I am coping OK with 3 kids
2. I'm letting little things like dusting go and trying to focus more on the kids
3. I miss my skinny body but have a hard time getting the gumption up to do anything about it
4. I'm trying not to over think and stress out about as many things
5. I want to be released from my music callings....or at least one of them
6. I think I"m doing a pretty good job of raising my boys
7. I miss my hours of me time
8. I think my family is complete. If there is another baby to come I don't want to know ahead of time. I just want to be surprised.
9. I'm frustrated with my body not being healthy and not knowing what is causing it.
10. I miss my sisters.

10 Things I want to remember about our family....
1. We have fun together
2. We didn't have to go vehicle shopping to fit Brock in
3. Our family feels complete
4. We love that it's almost spring
5. We have enough toys to open our own store....at least I think so
6. We are blessed to have me home with the boys and Cliff's job to support us
7. We have so many friends who love us and support us and are willing to help us if we need it
8. We love the gospel
9. We love each other
10. We have a lot of fun memories already

The dark side of puddles...

I bet you didn't know it but there is a dark side to spring puddles and sadly my boys found that out yesterday!

The spring weather has us all going stir crazy so yesterday I loaded the kids up into the van and headed for our favorite park. When we arrived we found it was still heavily puddled and even still had some snow piles but the kids were game and wearing their rubber boots so away they went! 10 minutes later Zane tripped and fell and got fairly wet. After dumping out his boots he decided to carry on. 5 minutes later Rhett went down a slide, took 2 steps and biffed it big time. He was soaked from the neck down! And that was the end to our playground trip. I was glad that we had driven and didn't have a 20 minute walk home with 2 cold and wet kids in tow.

But it was still nice to get some fresh air - even if we had to dump water out of boots when we got home!

The boys had fun finding the Easter eggs the bunny left this morning and Zane announced to us that he couldn't wait to be a daddy so he could know all the secrets about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. That kid cracks me up sometimes.

And I performed Cannon in D in church today - the hard version with the choir singing in parts but it's mostly a soloist piece. I've been totally stressing about it because it was really difficult and I didn't feel that it was performance ready. But thanks to lots of prayers I made it through and am pretty happy with how it turned out. I felt like crying when I hit the last chord and knew that it was done!

We had a quiet Easter - just us and some ham and potatoes. Nothing spectacular.

And we got a huge blessing given to us...

My friend Jennie was going to give me her single jogging stroller but when she opened it up found it to be all moldy and gross. No big deal. I have a great stroller - just thought having a jogging one would be nice as well. Then today she was talking to her neighbor after church and the neighbor asked if she knew anyone who needed a jogging stroller. Jennie said yes and told her what had happened with hers. This neighbor used hers ONCE for the grand kids who are too big for it now and is giving it to me! for FREE!!!! I'm really excited to have it and so thankful for our blessings.

I'm thinking about buying a bike and a bike trailer....any opinions from people who have one or would like one? Can you put an infant car seat in one and a 3 year old as well? Brock won't be big enough to sit in one by himself until the end of the summer so I'm going back and forth....

Honesty

Hi. I'm back. Did you miss me? I bet some of you didn't even know I was gone....I went to Raymond for a week and it was lots of fun. A little interesting travelling with 3 kids by myself...but we got lots done. Mom and I made 2 nursing aprons because I've decided to nurse Brock longer than I had planned. He's doing great and I seem to be keeping up so I figured we'd stick with it. Sorry no pics right now. Maybe another time. We also had chest x-rays done on Brock because of a nice croupy cough. Luckily it's just an upper respiratory virus and nothing else...yet. Still waiting for it to go away. I got to attend my mom's RS March 17th party. It was very classy and fun. Got to see lots of people I haven't seen a long while. Auntie Lishe and Auntie Kizzy took the boys to a movie - Monsters vs Aliens. It was in 3-D and both kept their glasses on the whole time! It was Rhett's first time in the theater and once the movie started he did well and enjoyed it. I might have spent a lot of money on some really cute fabric for a quilt that I saw a pattern for and just LOVED it....Ooops. Did I just write that? It really is darling fabric and I'm itching to get at it. Let's see, what else? Dental work for me, shopping for the kids, lots of play time with grammie S and grandpa Dooley, visits and pictures with great grandpa Knibb, and Saturday in Barnwell with grandma and grandpa Johnson. Oh, and I figured out the hard way that if I eat too much fiber Brock is going to pay for it. Poor kid screamed almost all day Saturday and didn't eat at all. I finally got him to eat some formula and I pumped off everything I could to try and spare him any more pain. Yep, I felt like a smuck mom that day. Sigh.


So are you wondering about my title? Here's me being brutally honest about some things in my life right now....

1. I am terrified that I'm going to stay fat. There I said it. I realize that Brock is only 8 weeks old...but how long do I give myself that excuse for not getting up in the morning and working out? I'm terrified that I'm going to keep saying "well Brock is only (insert age) and that he'll be 2 before i know it and I'll still be this size. I feel trapped in my body right now and don't want to stay that way. I keep thinking that I did it last time when I was sleep deprived so what's different this time? I desperately want to be back to where I was after losing all the weight - BUT I wish I had a magic wand to get me there. I am not excited about the work or self control involved in getting there. And I have no clothes that fit besides maternity. I got rid of all my fat clothes. I don't want to go and buy big clothes again. I am dreading summer clothes.

2. I am an emotional eater....especially when I am tired. Again, I am terrified that I will be fat forever. I do good during the day - mostly - and then 5:00 hits. I don't know if I am ever going to win this battle.

3. I worry that I don't give each boy enough of my attention.

4. I am DESPERATE to get back some of my own time and quilt or get to some of the other projects that i want to get done.

5. I am HATING all my piles in my house. I'm still trying to just hold down the fort....therefore a lot of things get shuffled into piles and I can't stand it. But I don't have the time yet to fix it.

6. My kids watch too much TV/movies. Some days I want to change it, some days I don't. They very rarely sit still long enough to see the whole show - cartoon or movie - and it's more like background noise for most of the day.

7. I worry about Rhett making his own friends. He does so much better in social situations when Zane is around.

8. I miss having an adult around all the time to talk to.

9. I am extremely lazy a lot of the time. Some days it bugs me, some days it doesn't.

10. I think I'm going to ask to be released from my music callings. I have had a music calling some way for the last 12 years. I have had short breaks but not many. It's not that they're stressing me out or anything like that. It's more that I'm burnt out, Cliff's burnt out and I'm wondering if there's anything else that I can possibly do in the ward. But then I panic and think that maybe I would be really awful at anything else. What else do I know how to do?

11. I want to do it all - have my house as clean as I like it, spend time with my kids, develop my talents, exercise, read my scriptures, spend time with Cliff, be a great friend, a piano teacher, fulfill my callings and do it all with a smile. Instead I feel like I'm dropping balls a lot and never getting everything done that needs doing and always letting someone or myself down in some area. I know that we aren't supposed to be able to do everything and we have to prioritize and that I have a small baby....but some days I get tired of choosing between good, better, and best.

so there you have it. Some things that have been rolling around in my head lately.