I have a reality. And it's not a pretty reality. In fact, it's kind of a skeleton in the closet kind of reality.
I am suffering from depression.
It's not full blown, as in can't-get-out-of-bed-or-function, - yet - But it is to the point where I have to admit that this is more than just a bad couple of weeks. And that I need to fight to get back to me.
I'm blessed with a great support group of family and friends - some who have experienced depression themselves, some have worked professionally with this, and some are just great resources of positivity and love.
I've started cataloging my days and mood on those days using weather terms. A "me" day is what I describe as a sunshine-y day. And then there are days that are mostly sunny but slightly cloud covered - you know - like the clouds that blot out the sun temporarily during the day but the sun always pulls through. I have days that are more cloud then sun. And then there are the cloud-locked, no hope of sun days. Thankfully, I haven't had too many of the cloud-locked days in a row. But I have had several of the cloud covered with brief rays of sunshine.
And I don't like me this way. It feels wrong and awful.
So, I swallowed my pride, talked to some of my closest peeps, and got help. I've started a great vitamin regimen to re-balance the old brain, I've cut back in some areas, and I'm trying to not expect quite so much from myself as I get myself back on track.
And that is the real honest reason that I haven't been writing here a lot lately. I have an
un-censored journal that I have been writing in and it's been great and cheap therapy!
I don't want to be one of those blogs that's all unicorns and rainbows, but there are some issues that I'm working through that I just don't feel comfortable airing on the internet - at least not in their entirety.
The main reason I'm writing this now is because I thought that one day, a long way down the road, someone in my posterity might need to know that they're OK because I suffered from this too. And people on both sides of my family suffer from this too.
Genetics are not always the best thing, but knowledge is power and I intend to use mine to get back to sunshine days!
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7 comments:
Love you Sis!!! You know you can always phone me, although I haven't been too sunshiney lately. I'm still stubbornly refusing to have depression. Maybe you just need to get in touch with your ineer pig-head?
Join the club Sister! You are SOOO not alone!
I've been battling since Brant was 4 months old and it took a lot of 'getting over my pride' to admit I had a problem! It's great you have good close friends you can talk to! It helps!
I'm only going to mention that if you aren't taking Omega 3's, GET ON 'EM! They are wonderful!
Good Luck hun!
Hey, if I can do this, you definitely can! You're way better than me in pretty much every way, so I have faith in you, even when you may not! If you ever need to talk, give me a shout! You were there for me and I'd be more than happy to return the favor!
Thank you for your honesty.
Oh Kelly I had no idea! We will pray for you. We certainly know what you are going through. My only advice is do not expect too much from yourself but make the effort to keep going, even if it's just to get out of bed and take a shower. Some days you'll wish you didn't have other responsibilities but trust me, those responsibilities will be the thing that keeps you going in the right direction. I am hear for you and so is Kurt any time you need to talk!
Love you
Kelly, I feel your pain and know that I have an issue not with depression but anxiety. I also tried for a long time to be strong and pretend that I could handle anything on my own, but seeking help was the best thing I ever did. The Lord provides others and professionals to help. I sure love you...Jackie
I don't know how my comments appeared under Jen's name. But they are my comments and I am not techie enough to fix it right now.
Jackie Swainson
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