Interesting to me

The past couple of days have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I've been thinking and brooding and questioning a lot of the happenings in my life.

Last June I started on a journey to lose weight and I've been very successful at it. People that I haven't seen in a long time don't recognize me. I feel great, look great, and for the most part I behave myself and eat a lot better, and exercise a lot more. I feel that I lost the weight in a healthy way and that I'm doing a good job at maintaining it. What started out as a weight loss goal changed a lot of things and although I had a size and a mental image in mind, my main motivation changed from my pant size to creating a healthier me and staying the healthier me to bless my family and my lives. So, the big question that has loomed in my mind lately is how I can supposedly be the healthiest I've been in years and yet am sustaining these attacks of pain and still producing more liver enzymes than is normal. Cliff and I have even joked around that maybe I should go back to being 200 lbs since I seemed to have less health issues then (of course that's not true and NOT an option but it made us giggle) I don't have any answers as to why this is happening and it's really thrown me into a funk today. I knew it as soon as I woke up today. Have you had one of those days? When you wake up and you feel like a big, ugly, gray and weeping rain cloud is your hat for the day. You're hoping and praying that the sun is going to break through but as the hours past it just seems that the cloud gathers more and more mass and you have to struggle more and more to put on a front of normalcy. Yep, that's what I felt like this morning. So, how do you get rid of it? It's taken me almost all day long to get rid of it and has disappeared in steps and degrees. I had a good cry. Not necessarily about anything in particular but tears are wonderful things. Kind of shrinks the cloud a bit. I had good talks with my wonderful hubby Cliff and also with my mom. .I had a great nap with my kids. (Zane has an upset tummy and with my emotional state what it was today we opted to stay home today). Poor Cliff was left to his own devices for 2 hours. I broke out a book of wonderful church piano solos that I haven't played in years and went through most of them. One of them was the song Infinite Worth by Janice Kapp Perry and as I played it and remembered some of the words I felt my soul being cleansed of the lingering cloud. What a wonderful blessing music and the gospel is in our lives. The two combined have always been so special to me. I truly believe that there are times the veil is thinned and that our spirits are allowed to glimpse and remember what life was like in the spirit world with our Father in Heaven.
Being in a funk is no fun. But in some ways it serves as a kick in the butt and I'm looking forward to starting tomorrow with a new attitude and jumping back into my life. I miss being me - the non sick, not so stressed out me. I've decided that I can act sick or I can healthy and I choose healthy. This week will be busy and full as we get ready for me and the kids to leave on Thursday to southern Alberta for a week. My cousin Ashley is getting married on Saturday so it should be a fun trip.