Worth a Thousand Words

They say a picture is worth a thousand words....this post is going to be worth several thousand. I'm going to post as many as I can and let you scroll your way through the past couple of weeks of our life...at least the moments I remembered to grab the camera! If you have any questions....use your imagination! Just kidding...I think most are self-explanatory. Enjoy!

Temper Tantrums, Jogs, and Prayers

I know...it's only been a couple of days and here I am writing again. Now that you've closed your open jaws I can go on with my story.

This morning while out jogging I had this fabulous blog all composed in my head and of course because it was so fabulous I had oodles of comments on it. It's now been over 14 hours since I composed that draft in my head...we'll see how much of it comes back to me.

For those of you who talk to me on a regular basis you know that my youngest son Rhett is 16 months old and does not sleep through the night. Most nights he's up an average of 3 times...bad nights it's 5 + times. Last night was a bad night. And then he decided that 5:30 am was a the time that he should be wide awake ready to start his day. I start my day at 6:20 and am out the door on the pavement by 6:35...I do not appreciate the 5:30 wake up call because usually I'm up for 15-20 minutes at this time of the morning trying to convince him to go back to sleep. And to those of you who would tell me to just leave him to cry...I would if he couldn't get out of his bed! Then he's wondering around the house, finding things and turning on stuff. This morning it was a no-go for getting him to go back to sleep. By the time I was supposed to be leaving I was stomping around the house, getting him a bottle and telling him loudly(not yelling because Zane was still sleeping) that he was too little to be up by himself. However, because I am selfish about my hour in the morning I left him with cartoons and a daddy pretending to be asleep and headed out. In case you're wondering....this is where the tantrum came in, and no it was not on Rhett's part. It was all me. Yes, I, Kelly Johnson, 26 years old, mom of 2, still throw tantrums.

I headed out into the cold morning just fuming...trying to concentrate on my music and raging in my head at my Father in Heaven for not answering all my prayers pleading for sleep to come to my son and myself. To give you a feel for how long this foul, black mood followed me, let me explain how my morning exercise routine works. As soon as I hit the hallway my ipod is on and I'm getting shoes on, coat on, stretching etc. By the end of the first song I'm in the parking lot headed for the sidewalk. I walk for 1 1/2 to 2 songs...I start jogging at a specific house and jog to a certain spot...usually 2 or 2 and a bit songs. I walk for 2 songs or so and then I start the jog up the hill. When I first started I could only make it up the hill. Now this part of my jog is pushing 20 minutes long. Then I walk for a song, jog another small stretch and walk about 2 blocks home for cool down and stretches. Are you tired yet? I promise I have a point...as I started out this morning I wasn't able to get past my sour mood until I was almost through my long run. But here's what I learned. As I jogged and prayed, and jogged and prayed, and told my Father in Heaven how unfair it was that my toddler still does not sleep through the night - I realized that I have been praying for the wrong thing. I have been praying for my sweet toddler to be changed and I need to be praying for me to be changed. So, I will now be praying that my body will be able to do what it needs to do on much less sleep - that I will be able to be the happy mommy on 5 hours of sleep that I am on much more sleep.

I returned a much happier mommy...hopefully my new strategy will work.
And sorry, no pics yet. I've been busy packing and keeping Rhett from climbing and pushing every button he can reach!

Time Out

Well this title has a few meanings for me lately....
I know it's been quite a while since I posted...I've kinda been on a blog time out while I've been packing, cleaning, and generally trying to contain the chaos that our lives have been over the past couple of weeks. Sorry for those who have missed me. I ahve missed being here and have thought about you often...sometimes I compose wonderful blog posts in my mind while I am running...and then by the time I get to the computer late at night all my good thoughts have slowly leaked out of my head until the only thing I can think about is how tired I really am.

The best meaning of time out for me was this past weekend. Leslie and I went to Calgary for the 5th anniversary of Time Out for Women. For those of you who don't know what that is - it's a women's conference put on by Desert Books. They bring in wonderful speakers and musicians whose whole purpose is to renew, refresh and rejuvanate your soul and mind. It was such a wonderful time and experience...I got to listen to some of my favorite people as well as finding new favorites and came home refreshed in spirit. I'd like to say that we got lots of sleep too...but we stayed up until midnight talking and laughing and just being girls. Katie slept so much that it really was like being there without any kids and it was so great to have entire conversations without pausing to answer little people questions, discipline, or calm the screams of our children. Did I mention that we stayed in the Marriot hotel as well? It was well worth the money since we were connected to the convention center and they treated us awesomely. Valet parking is one of my new favorite things! If you have never been to one I would strongly recommend going the next time they come. And of course we did some shopping at the bookstore there and came home with some great music I'm itching to get at on my new piano...

We take possession of our house a week from today. Every hour it is getting closer and closer and feels more and more real. The control freak in me is starting to panic a little bit but i think I'm doing a pretty good job of keeping her tamped down and under control. I'm pretty much packed as much as I can until we get a little closer to actually moving...so I'm going to start spot washing walls and stuff to make cleaning easier when we move out. We are counting sleeps for many things....Grammie S coming to help us, taking possession of the house, Zane starting preschool, carpets getting cleaned, new appliances (yeah!!!) being delivered, and actually moving. Phew. September is busy busy busy.

And I have been taking some pictures...I promise...they just aren't on my computer yet. I'll try to get some up soon. In the meantime just picture me spending the majority of my day cleaning up after destructo...aka...Rhett. Sigh. If that child survies to see his 2nd birthday...I'm just kidding, I love him to bits - just tired of the current phase!

Before and Mid-way

Just a quick post...I weighed in today and discovered that I am 35lbs down...that means that I am halfway to my goal!!! It also means that I am now only 25 lbs overweight and not 60 lbs overweight like I was. To really show how much this has changed things I have pictures!

This is me on my last birthday. I was 220 lbs. I hate that number. I never want to see it associated with my weight again...that is why I have made the changes that I have and continue to make. I am determined to be healthy and skinny. Yes, I am vain.

And here is my mid-way picture. 35 lbs down and still counting. It makes it a lot easier to get up in the morning. I decide every night to get up in the morning - no questions asked. I get everything ready and then I have no excuses. Even if I'm up 5 times in the night I still go. It's just something that I have to do. I've started on this road and I refuse to go back. Thanks to everyone for all the love and support!

My 101...

I've read two posts in the past week that have these lists...and it's something that I've always thought of doing...so we'll see how far I get. If you get bored I won't judge you if you skip to the end. (these are in no particular order...just facts as I think of them!)

1. I was born in Raymond, AB
2. I lived in Raymond until the fall of '99 (summer I graduated)
3. Attended college in Med Hat for 2 semesters and loved it!
4. Attended U of L for 2 years
5. After 1 year of college and 2 years of university all I have to show is student loans and half a degree in psych
6. Met the love of my life (Cliff) fall of 2000
7. His cousin told me to date him- glad I took his advice!
8. I was not nervous on my wedding day
9. Being in the temple is one of my favorite things to do
10. I've only been in the Cardston temple...even though I live 1.5 hours from the Edmonton one
11. I am a mom to 2 boys
12. Constantly wowed by how different they are in personality
13. I didn't know how to drive a standard until we had been married for a year
14. Had to get a girlfriend to teach me because it was not pretty when Cliff tried to teach me
15. Have moved 7 times since being married and am preparing for number 8
16. Worked at KFC for a couple of months when I was 19....still don't really care for their food
17. I love music
18. I miss having my own piano
19. Might be getting my own piano in the next few days!
20. This is harder than I thought
21. I have always been blessed with the best of friends...they helped make me who I am today
22. My mom is the greatest woman I know. Hands down - no competition.
23. I am a self-confessed daddy's girl.
24. Most devastating thing to date was our miscarriage fall of 2004.
25. I am not a hockey fan
26. I do enjoy going to a live hockey game...mostly for the night out
27. I have had a calling in the church since I was 16
28. Only two of those haven't involved music
29. One of the scariest moments in my life was rolling my car summer of 2000
30. Another scariest moment was going into pre term labor at 34 weeks (thanks for hanging on till 36 Rhett!)
31. I was gestational diabetic with my second son, Rhett
32. This involved testing my blood 5 times a day and eventually insulin shots in my belly
33. After 3 pregnancies I am in the process of losing 70 lbs
34. I have lost 32 so far
35. I actually enjoy listening to my kids music - I'm sure that will change in another 10 years
36. I hate gardening
37. I enjoy crocheting
38. I am a house-flipping show junkie
39. I am excited to flip our own house...if we ever hear from the mortgage people!
40. I really loved highschool
41. I wasn't terribly popular but I think I fit in pretty well
42. I never wore girl jeans until after I had Zane (my oldest) - not enough hips
43. I am not a girly girl in most things
44. I am a girly girl when it comes to dirt, bugs, and anything slimy, slithery...well you get the picture
45. I am a really good cook/baker
46. I love beef!
47. I'm hoping to get my eyes lasered....Cliff got his done and I'm jealous
48. Without my glasses or contacts I am so blind
49. I have read and own all of the Harry Potter books
50. I have seen every BackYardigans episode there is
51. Going from one to two kids was mind-numbing for the first 6 weeks.
52. I love having 3 years between my boys
53. Most days I think I want to have more kids
54. I live in Red Deer AB
55. I hope to live in Lethbridge before me kids are too big (I'm campaigning for Raymond but Cliff says there's not a chance until they get a highschool guy volleyball team)
56. I am a much better spectator than participant in sports
57. I discovered that I actually like to play softball - even though I'm not very good!
58. I am the oldest of 3 girls
59. We grew up with one bathroom...and yes, we all survived with minimal blood spillage
60. I hope I can teach my boys to love the Lord the way we as their parents do
61. I want my boys to respect women and be one of the guys that parents are happy to have their daughters go out with
62. We plan on having a basement worthy of all teenage hangouts when our kids are older
63. And yes, that is so we will know where and who they are with
64. I one day hope to own a baby grand piano
65. I think that I would like to finish off my RCM degree (music)
66. I lost 3 times in a row to my 4 year old on the xbox 360 cars game...sad, I know
67. I am a control freak
68. My inner control freak is not always well behaved
69. I can't wait to have a fenced back yard
70. I wouldn't trade my life for anything
71. I like to fly...as long as I have anti-nausea pills in my system
72. I learned that the hard way on the way to California for our second honeymoon
73. I could live in California if our families came with us
74. I lived across the backyard from my in-laws for almost two years and loved it
75. My mother in law is the best mother in law ever!
76. Miss Vicky's Salt and Vinegar chips are my favorite chips....they make my mouth peel!
77. I didn't think I would like an ipod...I don't know how I lived without it before
78. My ipod is the only thing that gets me up the hill I run up every morning
79. I am loving the fact that I can feel my body getting stronger every week as I persist in exercising
80. I can eat the same thing for breakfast every day and not get tired of it...mmm toast
81. I don't like green peas and beans. They taste like dirt to me
82. I am reaping the rewards of being a picky eater as a child - I now have 2 of my own
83. I swore I would never drive a mini-van
84. I love my mini-van and wouldn't trade it at the moment
85. When the kids get older I want to drive an extended Denali
86. The last traffic ticket I got was for not wearing my seat belt....just had a baby and was totally engorged. So not fair
87. I hate the traffic sheriffs - they're nasty when it comes to car seats
88. I love my double jogging stroller
89. I hate it when Zane mixes his play dough colors or his paint colors together. Inner control freak coming out
90. I dye my hair blond...
91. I am such a klutz!
92. I am horrible at remembering names
93. I love to sing
94. One of the best parts of high school was Show Choir
95. I love having a cranial sacral massage
96. I love diet pop
97. Steak, lasagna, stroodles, pizza and scones are my top 5 favorite foods
98. I have a testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ
99. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
100. I am so thankful that Cliff and I were sealed in the Cardston Temple for Time and Eternity
101. I can't believe I thought of all these things!

Well...I hope you enjoyed it....

Also, some recent pics of the kids!

Some Weeks Feel Like Months

Have you ever had one of those weeks when you look back on everything that has happened in it and you think "has it really only been seven days?" We have had one of those weeks. Some things in our week have been wonderful, some scary, and others very faith promoting and confirming of the love our Heavenly Father has for us. But let me start at the beginning. I apologize to those of you who know the whole story and now are reading it in print....however this is my journal, and these things need to be recorded.
I week ago tomorrow we left for Barnwell. We were planning on spending the weekend with Cliff's family and then he would drop me and the boys off for the week and continue home to Red Deer. Our friends who managed for the same company as us called us Friday morning to let us know that they had been fired and that we were next in line. We knew that they had a meeting set up with the head office people and Cliff was supposed to be meeting with them on Monday morning.....we didn't think that they were going to fire both of us. We had very mixed emotions over the whole thing - much relief as we really were very tired of the building responsibilities, but also much panic as we realized that we had 6 weeks to find a new home for our family. We couldn't do much over the weekend except look at some real estate websites and hope... Monday came and went much as we expected. Their reason they gave for firing us was that we weren't keeping the building to their standard. There is plenty more I could say on that subject but I am trying to let go of it. Cliff found out some of the properties that we had been looking at on the Internet had offers on them and was feeling discouraged but I encouraged him to go and look at one on Tuesday in Sylvan Lake with our realtor. He liked it and I liked it from the pictures so we put an offer in Tuesday night and by early this afternoon we had a counter offer. I had a wonderful experience in the Temple (did a session with my mom and her ward's RS) and passed on the things that the Spirit told me to Cliff. We decided to accept the counter offer and Cliff has been working with our mortgage broker tonight to get all the paper work done to see if we are approved.
There have been a lot of changes in the last few days and not a lot of things are terribly concrete yet. But there are some things that I know for sure: I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and has a plan for us. I know that His Spirit is able to whisper to our hearts and minds and help us to make decisions that will benefit our family. I also know that we will be prepared to move as of Sept 30 even if the house we are working on now falls through. I know that we are supposed to move and that it will happen as the Lord has planned.
Thank you all for your love and support and prayers. We will keep you updated as the next 6 weeks unfold.

Figured Out

I have been thinking that I should add a picture to my post for quite awhile now...and finally sat down to do it today. I had a hard time choosing one because I really have changed quite a bit in the past 10 weeks but settled on this one because it makes me smile every time I see it. I loved the pictures that Rhonda took of me and Cliff because I could see the love that we have for eachother in a tangible, printable image. It's nice to think that maybe others see that between us and maybe want to know more. I am so blessed to have the husband that I do. He is so kind, thoughtful, supportive, helping, loving, enduring and so much more. I am so lucky that he is my eternal companion. Every morning when I am out walking/jogging, I thank my Heavenly Father for the wonderful man I have at home who is giving up some of his sleep to take care of the kids so that I can be healthy. I am sure that many of you would argue, and probably would have fabulous evidence to back you up, that your husbands are the best. I am afraid that on this point we will have to agree to disagree. I often wonder what I did to be so blessed.... Thank you Cliff for being the man, father, friend and companion that I want to spend the eternities with. Love Kell

Where We Have Been...

I know it has been a few weeks since I have posted....and I really don't have a good excuse. Mostly our days have been consumed with normal every day mundane stuff. The things that make me happy to be a stay at home mom with my two kids, wonderful hubby and fabulous friends.

We have contacted a mortgage broker and know where we stand....it's not quite what we were hoping for but it let us know where we are and now we have a more definite goal in mind to work towards.

The kids have been busy busy busy. Rhett now knows how to open my fridge, get his milk out and generally pursue whatever else is in there. He also knows how to open our apartment door as well - these two things are driving me crazy!!! But at the same time he is really starting to do things to make us laugh so hard that we almost fall over. He loves to run around the house and show up and 'boo' us! Zane is enthralled with BackYardigans lately and even named his hobby horse after one of them. He's been running around the house lately with "Pablo" and enjoys galloping back and forth with Rhett in hot pursuit. For the most part they still play good together but that can change in a split second.

I've been getting up every morning to go for my hour walk and have even started jogging a bit. It seems to be working well...I'm almost to my halfway point for those of you who are keeping track...I'll post some pictures after our trip home next week. I want mom to be surprised!

Sorry this is short....will post more next week with some pictures.

Some of this and That

We have been back from Barnwell for a couple of days and I finally feel like I'm getting caught up on some things...including my pictures. I took some fun ones of cousins and family as we were all together over the weekend...and we took a big family one after the funeral. So, here are those first!

I realize that the pictures of the younger cousins but they were the ones that were around when I had my camera out. Zane had so much fun playing with his cousins! The weekend had some tears but it also had a lot of laughs to. It made me very grateful to be part of such a wonderful family.

For those who have been following this for awhile you'll know that I joined weight watchers...and it is going very well. I didn't want to update every week and bore you with the details but today was my 6 week weigh in and I have reached my 10% weight loss goal! I've lost 22 lbs in 6 weeks! It feels great and has really helped to motivate me to keep going. It is worth it. Cliff is buying me an ipod today - his idea for a prize for reaching this first milestone. We both thought it was going to be a couple of more weeks before I got to this point so it was a great surprise today. Thanks to all of you who have been so supportive!

Grandpa Johnson

Grandpa Johnson (Bruce Johnson) had an accident Monday evening - he fell down a flight of stairs and was hurt very badly. His brain bled on both sides and after a trip to Calgary it was determined that the damage was inoperable. This has left Grandpa in a coma with no brain activity. Consequently we are preparing to say goodbye to Grandpa as he will be returning to our Father in Heaven very soon.

The picture above is Grandpa and Rhett at Christmas time....they had a great time just chilling with each other and the July long weekend when we visited with them Rhett had a blast pulling things out of boxes and bringing them to Grandpa for inspection.

As someone who has married into this family I still feel that I can say that Grandpa is my grandpa to. From the very beginning he and Grandma welcomed me into the family and made me feel like one of theirs. This past visit when I told him how much we missed them and being home in southern Alberta he gave me a big hug and told me that they had three extra beds that we were welcomed to! Even though I know he was teasing it means so much to me now....that last visit will always be something that I cherish and remember.

To me Grandpa was the best example of what a Grandpa should be. Kind, loving, forgiving, watchful, prayerful, and steady. Plus he gave some of the best hugs I've ever had.

As the time approaches that we have to say goodbye to Grandpa - at least for this life - I am so grateful for the gospel and for our Father's plan and eternal families. I know that we will see Grandpa again and that I will once again be the recipient of those fantastic hugs.

I've lost 2 grandparents in my lifetime - both when I was relatively young....and I have an idea of the loss and the grief process that we will go through. This time I have the added the dimension of being a mother and it absolutely breaks my heart thinking of explaining to my children the concept of death. How do you make a 4 year old understand that this wonderful person in their life that they are just beginning to remember between visits is no longer in this world with us? How do you make them understand that we bury bodies because there is no longer a spirit living in the body....I know....you just tell them. But how do you do it without traumatizing them?

I've been trying to prepare Zane a little by reviewing the basics of the plan of salvation with and when I explained that our bodies have a spirit inside and that when we get old our spirit will go and live in Heaven with Heavenly Father and Jesus again his little eyes welled up with tears and he said "but mommy I will miss my body!" I assured him that he wouldn't be leaving his body for a long long long time and that seemed to help but I am worried about what he is going to take from this. Have we taught him well enough? Will his spirit understand at the adult level and somehow communicate to his brain that all is well? I wish I had the answers and pray that Heavenly Father will give us His spirit to be with us as we go through these next weeks and months.

When I started this blog we were waiting....we are waiting no more. Grandpa has passed away and I am sure that he has been welcomed by open loving arms of family and friends who have gone before him. He will be greatly missed. We love you Grandpa.

As you can see from above we had a very fun and busy time in Raymond. Both kids saw a Dr Smith...Rhett for an ear infection and Zane a trip to emerg for a mosquito bite that ballooned to cover his entire shoulder...sigh. A shot of steroids for Zane and a perscription for Rhett and we were back in business. Apparently I can't visit at home without one of my kids needing a doctor. We got to see lots of great friends, have lots of laughs, eat tons of great food!!! and Rhonda did a fabulous photo shoot for us. (Check out some of the pics at http://www.rsteedphotography.blogspot.com/) We had a great time at the parade as well...Zane got lots of candy and Rhett watched calmly from daddy's lap as he ate a sucker. Then went home to Grammies and promptly crashed! What a great way to spend a week with Grammie and a weekend with the rest of the family!