Recent happenings in my extended family have left me pondering relationships and forgiveness. I won't go into details because certain events have already caused a lot of pain and hurt for some and I don't wish to spread that to anyone else. Mostly I am disappointed and sad for members of my family. The one's who have been hurt and also the ones who caused the hurt. It is a situation that has existed for a very long time - too long - and is repeated in various circumstances and periods of time. It has caused me to think and compare families - ones I was born into, ones I've married into, and ones that I am privileged to spend a lot of time with. Not one of these families is perfect. They all have problems and dare I say dysfunctions. Some more than others. Yet some have a love and respect for each other that is second to none, where others are complicated and have hurtful histories. And this is where it gets complicated for me. I am a natural peace maker. I believe that it is one of my talents and gifts. I don't like confrontation. My first instinct is to soothe and try to make peace - whether I am involved directly or someone has come to me. When recent events came to light my first instinct was to make it "better" somehow. But that's not my role or my responsibility. Our Saviour came to this world and suffered and died and was resurrected so that we might be forgiven and in turn learn to forgive others. And you can't give that forgiveness until you are willing to forgive. Harboring hurt does not encourage forgiveness, and without forgiveness you can't heal. I have thought how the Saviour taught us to forgive the same injury over and over and over again - how He shows us the same loving forgiveness for our own insults and mistakes - and I have prayed a lot in my heart. I have prayed to forgive and forget and that the more injured ones will also be able to forgive and to heal.
I have also pondered the state of families in the eternities when their existence here in time has not been one of a cohesive family unit. Will it be easier to forgive when we have been reminded of the big picture? Or will our families remain in the same state they are in now? Some strong and thriving, some broken and floundering. It makes me so grateful for the powerful bonds of love I have with my siblings and my parents. And of the same bonds Cliff has with his family and that we as our own family unit share with each other's families. We never question their love for us, their concern for us or their support of us. And we hope that they feel the same from us. I pray as I watch Zane and Rhett (and soon baby #3)playing and fighting and growing together that they will always have the relationship they have today - that it will grow and mature with them so when they reach adulthood and start their own families they will know that they can count on one another for strength and support. And that they will know of our love and support for them.
Families are continually changing - wouldn't it be nice if we could guarantee it was always things that would bring us closer together and closer to our goal of an eternal family? But then guarantees don't fit in with the plan I chose so very long ago. Free agency, free choice, whatever you want to title it as was given as a gift and we choose what we do with it. We can choose to forgive or we can choose to let wounds fester. Personally, I'm choosing to forgive.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Amen! We had to deal with a very hard situation with some extended family earlier this year. It was so hard but forgiveness was the first thing on my list...I lived with the choosing not to forgive option once before and learned is only ME that was hurt by my choice not to forgive. It was me that dealt with the bitterness and anger. The other person moved on and didn't even know how mad and unforgiving I was.
Since then I have mad a point of remembering it is not my place to judge when enough "punishment" has been meted out for some infraction however large or small (except with my kids obviously but even there I like to focus on consequences rather than punishment). Only the Lord can know the true state of our hearts and only he has the power to make any sort of judgments.
Good for you on your choice to forgive. You are a better person because of it.
wouldn't it be great if we all chose to forgive? i tend to want to be a peacemaker at times too. and sometimes the best thing to do is lead by example. and hopefully when others see you forgive and/or not take sides they will see that it is ok to move forward. and in the eternities i sure hope we can all get along by then. i'm pretty sure that's what our H.F wants, so he will help us all to make it happen.
Post a Comment